Sublime Emotions
by RubyHair
Summary: Jim has died. Spock contemplates the power of emotions and gets a message from Jim from beyond. Mentions mpreg. My first fanfic, Please review!


Over the course of their time together Jim had taught Spock not to hide from his emotions. It was Spock's fear of his emotions that had caused them to dance around one another for the first two years of their mission. However, once he had let down his walls enough to let Jim in, he found that emotions had a transformative power. Especially the emotion called love. They loved each other with everything they had. It made them a great command team. They were able to offset each other; Jim with his intuitive leaps and Spock with his logic. The Enterprise had excelled under their command during their two five year missions.

Once they had bonded they had many discussions about having children. There were many possibilities from having an artificial womb implanted in one of them to use of surrogate to adoption. The one they chose eventually led to Jim's death. After they retired from the Enterprise they had gone to the Himlallini, a very medically advanced race which had implanted artificial wombs successfully in males & females throughout the galaxy. Scientifically it was very interesting: one testicle was used to create the ovaries; his tissue was used to grow a uterus compatible with his body and it came complete with a vagina for natural insemination and birth. All parts were flexible enough for natural childbirth if that was what was wanted.

Unlike with Spock himself, no genetic manipulation was required for the conception of their children. There were three: the eldest and their only daughter Amanda was now 17.25 years old and 35.47% Vulcan, then there was George who was 12.53 years old and 26.78% Vulcan and finally came Jim Jr. who was now 7 years old and was 47.58% Vulcan. Only George lacked the pointed ears, but they all had classic Vulcan eyebrows. George was also the only blond but they all somehow had Jim's blue eyes. Only Jim Jr. had the green Vulcanoid blood.

It was Jim Jr.'s green blood that caused the complications. Jim had spent the last trimester of his pregnancy on the Himlallini home world in their care. The best health care in the galaxy. Leonard McCoy was there as well because he wouldn't let Jim out of his sight in his condition. Somehow the copper rich green blood was passing through the blood/blood barrier into Jim's system. Luckily the iron rich red blood did not return into the baby's system or both would have been lost. Jim insisted that the baby's life be saved rather than his own. That had always been his way of doing things, putting the lives of everyone else first. He knew the pain it would cause Spock because of the broken bond. But he couldn't deny the little one life when he had already lived so fully.

During their last month they spent every waking minute together knowing their time was limited; knowing Jim was dying. Much of their time they spent in each others minds or in communion with the baby. Jim showed Spock every moment of his life, even the ones he had kept private until now. Spock had known about Frank & Tarsus IV but never had all the details until then. He had never pried into what Jim was not ready to share. Spock had known they were painful events but the scope shocked him; that Jim was able to be the man he was amazed him and made him love and appreciate Jim all the more. It was during this time that Jim decided to let Spock name the baby after him if he so desired. Initially when they realized the baby had Vulcan blood they were going to give him a properly Vulcan name. However, under the circumstances Spock thought it would be good to leave behind a James T. Kirk Jr. even if the child was more Vulcan than Human.

For 10 years of their retirement from active duty they had taught happily at Starfleet Academy. During his pregnancies Jim taught classes in cultural & diplomatic sensitivity. Any cadet who made a face, wouldn't look at him, snickered or worst of all, outright laughed at him was immediately forced to take a semester of his class. That person frequently found themselves used as an example of how not to behave in a diplomatic situation.

Spock found himself loving more and more after the children were born. He even found himself actually smiling and laughing, even if those smiles and laughs were less than a humans. He finally understood his other self and how his Jim and changed him. Amanda experienced life as sheer, unadulterated Joy. Everything was an awesome experience for her, Jim explained it was the "fascination" of a budding scientist. Jim helped Spock to see life through her eyes. It was sublime.

As with his initial experiences with Jim and emotions he found himself envying humans and their ease at expression of their emotions. Jim had once told Spock he might become jealous if Spock started showing his emotions to everyone. He felt they were only for him & their family. This made Spock feel a myriad of emotions he had to meditate to sort out, mostly it was a soul deep, profound love for Jim.

Jim was proud of Spock for sharing his emotions with the children. He made Spock promise not to teach Jim Jr. to suppress his under a blanket of logic. Spock couldn't do that now even if he wanted to; emotions had become to much a part of him. His mother would be proud. Love for their children and the pain/sorrow/grief of the broken bond were the emotions that were within him all the time now. He missed the love his T'hy'la mightily but he wouldn't pine away because he had their children to think of, to care for and to love.

Today was the seventh anniversary of Jim's death. Today Starfleet would unveil the memorial to the man who saved Earth from the madman Nero. Spock had a seat on the stage with the children because he was Jim's husband. He could barely think straight: so many memories, so much pain & grief; _so much __**love**_. Amanda & George stood on either side while Jim Jr. sat on his lap with their heads laid upon his shoulders. Amanda & Jim Jr. were both strong telepaths while George was weak. However, they all felt everything that he felt through their familial bond.

After the ceremony Amanda & Jim Jr. were speaking to Uncle Chris (Admiral Pike) when George snuck up and sat on Spock's lap. He may have been the weakest telepath of the three but he was by far the strongest empath. He also had a psychic intuition possessed by neither of the others. "Sa-mekh don't be so sad, I know daddy is not alive anymore, but he is still here. He watches us all the time. I feel him watching us, especially today. He wishes you could still feel him too like I do. He told me that if you meld with me, now, while he is strong, you will be able to feel him, at least for a little."

Spock didn't hesitate as he would have years ago, he simply reached for his sons meld points. "My mind to your mind…"

Inside he felt George but he also felt the bond kindle to life. And there in front of him was Jim. His Jim, young, beautiful & golden, as he remembered him. They fell into each others arms.

_Love, love, love, love. Miss you, miss you, miss you. How can this be?_

_(Golden sparkles wherever they touch or kiss fly off into the mind space.)_

_Special connection with George. Don't fully understand it, and I think it may fade as he gets older, but I'm here now. I can only do this if there are enough people thinking of me to bring me here. Otherwise it is only you and the kids. Not quite strong enough for my presence. That's why we had to do this here, now. _

_Know this my love, I will be waiting for you on the other side. I know the broken bond is painful. I feel it from this side too. But it's easier here because time is irrelevant here, wherever here is. Think of it as being beyond the rim of the galaxy. _

_Also know that our children will have long prosperous lives. Because time works differently here you can see things, know things. _

_Can you stay with me in any way?_

_No my T'hy'la. I wish I could. Just know that we will be together again. Know that I watch over you and the children and that I love you all. Do not grieve overmuch. Our time on this plane of existence may have been cut short but we have much yet to do together. We are T'hy'la. That is fact. Only death can separate us and then only for a short while my love. You need to go now, our son is getting tired. Remember…_

_Jim kissed him on his forehead and there was a larger spark to the bond. (Jim fades into brightness and vanishes.)_

Spock broke the meld, tears streaming down his face. The bond didn't hurt as much as before. It was not healed but it had been soothed. George hugged his sa-mekh. He waved to the others who saw what was happening and they came and joined the hug. All of them giving Spock as much love as they could. He felt their flood of love and looked at them. They each wore a smile that reminded him of Jim. And he smiled back at them. Not a little smile as he had been want to give, but a full out smile. The first one he felt on his face in too many years. Because he knew that there was something after death; that Jim was waiting for him and that when his time was up on this plane he would be rejoined with his love.

The tears he was crying had not been tears of sorrow, but tears of joy. Tears that came because Jim had taught him the sublime feelings of emotions, especially the emotion of love.

fin


End file.
